sikilmahfud

When I walk, sight-seeing around

Many people around me

Sometimes, I feel inferior and ask God

“God, why do I was born with weaknesses??”

“I want to be others, I hate myself!”

“

Don’t you know My son,

Everything isn’t always look so beautiful as you think

Other people’s life…

You think that their life is always more beautiful than yours

But you don’t know they don’t have something good like I’ve given to you

You don’t know whether they struggle for something, just like you

And you don’t know what I will provide for your future

Don’t only judge and compare, because it will make your day bad

”

“

But God,

Look at that people!

They seem so perfect.

They have happy life, always smile without worry

I know them well…

”

“

My son, no one is born without weakness

Even when someone looks perfect

That’s because they grow up and struggle many times

Just like you

And the most important thing you must remember,

I will guide you forever

I will never forsake you

It’s not because of your strength, your life will be perfect

It’s because I love you, and I will make it perfect for you

Just believe in Me

Someday in the end you will smile and say

‘Thanks Lord, now my life is complete’

Don’t you believe My guidance?

“

“

Thanks Lord, I believe in You

Please never leave me alone

I’m nothing without You…

”

“Of course. I love you, my Son…”

Since middle of 2011, I became the most senior generation in my campus. And because of that, I decrease my activity in campus in order to be focus on internship report and thesis. I’m not active in campus as the first three years. And because I’ve also taken most of lecture subjects in early three years, now I can ‘enjoy’ much free-time.

But having much free-time makes me feel lonely. I mostly do my internship report and thesis in my home while online; connect Internet to search important materials or do some chats in social network. Really, I feel lonely, I feel like I must build this life. I feel my life is half-filled. 

After I graduate, I do want to have right community to grow up together. I do want to grow up spiritually so I can build better relationship with Jesus. So I can be strong against every temptation that comes to test me. I really can’t do it alone. I do want to live in God’s plan…I want to be focus on His way and His dream. I want to grow up. Someday I must marry a girl and build a new family, so I must become a better person. But I can’t grow up maximally when I’m alone. Yes I realize it very much.

Anyway, thanks God for this time. Though I still can’t see Your plan for my life thoroughly, I won’t waste this moment. I’ll use this moment to learn as much as I can before You end this moment. Yes, this is a moment of waiting! Six months to go, and I must do my best!

My 2012 resolution:

I will do my best this year! And God please work on my life, change my character and lighten every dark side in my life so I don’t have any more dark side forever!