sikilmahfud

Feel so enthusiastic today
To get more and more knowledge
Brag them to the others
In other hand
I realize
I have no difference with knowledge repository machine
That has no heart
Would serve when asked
Is it the purpose of life, just collect more and more knowledge?
Or just to get the others’ appreciation, or to survive??
Now, I feel I just a cold-hearted boy

Days and hours that I’ve passed
Happiness and sadness
Come like a rolling stone
The moment when I feel happy and spiritful
Would the matter of time
decrease my spirit
little by little bit?
Now, I feel I just a cold-hearted boy

The moment when sadness come
The selfishness comes up
Feel alienated
Feel hard to forgive
Feel hard to say thanks
Afterward
When happiness moment comes
Disappointed feeling follows the moment
Why couldn’t I say thanks?
Now, I feel
I just a cold-hearted boy

Cities afar, full of skyscrapers
Every trip, going by fast train or double dekker bus
Awesome scenery, snow-capped mountain, clean river...
A place where snow falls
A place where there's warm spring
A place where cool wind of autumn blows
Tree's leaves over there, colorized with purple and red
The place where people speak language that I can't understand
The place where many people over the world
Dream if someday, could be there





I'm the one of them!
I have a dream...
Wondering if I could go there
Continue my study there
Meet with scientists that gather
from many places around the world
Plan to create a sophisticated machine
That haven't yet created
That machine, will be useful for the world
Wondering, could I take part??

Ha ha ha...
But I'm still here, in my room
Still don't have money, time, and knowledge
Powerless to do the big thing
Even just to visit a country for a bit moment...
Just for a bit moment of my life??
At the moment, I feel I am ridiculoused
By myself...

It's true, I'm powerless
To change, to determine my own fate
I'm just day-dreaming now
I am just wondering!!
So, I need U Jesus
I know I'm just a meaningless boy
Therefore, I am praying
Therefore, I am begging U Jesus
I just wanna enjoy the life that U give to me
I wanna see the world
Not just to stay here along my life!!
I wanna do something big
Please Jesus...

I know, I must do my best
Today...
If I must sacrifice something now...
I will!
If that sacrifice could bring me to realize my dream
Compared to the bright future that U'll give to me,
it just small sacrifice, isn't it?

Just in my side, Jesus
Don't leave me alone
Let us walking step by step
Please Jesus, teach me to do my best...
Now I can smile
Though I'm just a meaningless boy,
but I'm hopeful!

Wow, time goes so fast like flashlight, now I’m already in semester 3. Like semester 2, I have several targets, for example achieving maximum GPA point. Then for my character, I wanna be humble, strong, organized, and faithful for my Jesus.

Nah, I feel that in semester 2, I try to work hard but eventually less result. Why? Am I still less effort? No! When I flashback, I think that in semester 2 I have too many anxieties. Due to worrying about my future, so I feel that the other people just bother my goals. Oh…how childish! Even I think that semester 1 is much better than semester 2!

Why, why? Yeah, the reason is LACK OF HAPPINESS. If I have no difference between my JHS’ time and campus’ time, it means that I also have no change. It’s absolutely right that there’s an utterance that said “The past is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is PRESENT.” God gives me today so I can enjoy it and do my best.

Now, I am trying to do my best for today, not for tomorrow because tomorrow is built by today right? The house is built from the foundation not from the top. At the moment I am trying to make better friendship (friend is the most precious Jesus’ gift, right?), to not force my idea to the others, to be more tolerate, to find my self talent, to find true happiness, and to do the best every business that must I do for today. Though sometimes I fail and fail…

About my future, can I change my future myself? Who am I? It’s the foolish thing that I think. But now I put my dreams (travelling, study abroad etc) into Jesus’ hand, coz only Jesus that know my future.

Just do the best today for tomorrow, not tomorrow for today…