sikilmahfud

Now I have been in Jakarta, working as trainee for one month already. I feel this moment doesn’t have much different with the time when I was in university. Learn, play, and hangout with new friends…I feel very grateful. I remembered my last semester, when I feel so confused about future, whether I will continue my study or work first. But I am only human anyway, my view about future is very, very limited. So my plan which I think is the best isn’t always the best in God’s eyes. Yeah, I have learned one lesson now.

In Jakarta, I learn more about life lesson from many people: my mom, my aunt, my colleagues, and also board directors in the place where I work. One thing I must always remember in my mind is: to be a better person, I must stop idolizing my own self. Sometimes we felt better when we criticize others, when we post some good words in social network, when we talk about things that are right in our own view, when we said God’s word, so we can be seen as hero. But as time goes by, such actions will make us proud of our own self. When others criticize us, we will become sensitive and then defend ourselves. And it will make God sad, because without we realize, we forget God and become self-centered.

To be a better person, we must throw our own self away and learn from others instead of criticize them. So we can be a blessing to others. I have so many plans when I was in university, but in the end God’s plan will be done. It proves that our life isn’t us at all. Our life isn’t ours, it’s all about God’s glory.

Even when we struggle with desperation, even when we must struggle with dark side, even when we must experience trials and misery, but if it’s God’s plan….it’s OK. Just do the best with our part. Coz life is all about God.

Having free personality

That can smile whatever the condition is

That can be more open to everyone

When everyone sees me, they feel comfortable near me

Having many best friends

More open, more open

No more dark side

No more things to hide

That is my dream

That is what I want to be in the future

I won’t escape from past

But I will deal with past no matter what

It’s not easy for me

Who has been an introvert for years

But this is my dream

I will fly to the sky

I will soar high in the sky

And for that reason

I will continue to fight

Coz life is precious

自由のために闘って続け！

My campus life changes me a lot to be a better people. I remember when I was in High School, I don’t have any special thing about my life. My life was bored. My parents always said that I am clever since I was born but I couldn’t prove it in High School. Because no one motivate me, and my life was very bored. I played online game almost every day. I wasted so many money, even I ever lent money to my friends and didn’t pay back.

Everything changes step by step after High School graduation and the holiday began. At that time I felt very, very useless. I felt so shame that I couldn’t prove anything. I was just such burden for my family. And yet no one motivated me and encouraged me.

At that time, God said in my heart “You can change yourself begin from small thing”. I tried to throw away some bad habits though my parents couldn’t see my change yet.

Then the holiday ended and I entered new university. Firstly, new students didn’t go to attend lecture but there was orientation time first. I remembered my first day in university I heard my rector speech. I don’t remember what she said now but one thing that I remembered is, her speech motivated me very much. It’s the first time I feel motivated by others. 

My biggest obstacle when I entered new university is my interpersonal ability. I felt stressed when I entered new environment and I couldn’t find any people I know. During my orientation time, I felt no difference about my view for my friends during orientation time. I was still afraid to know more about other people. But I got so many motivations from my rector and other tutors that guide new students. 

Then the orientation time ended and lecture began. I felt my first year was nice. I met good friends and lecturers in my class, IT 2. They are different from my friends in High School. Though my interpersonal ability is low, they still want to accompany me. And you know, it affected my study progress. I got GPA 3.87 in semester one. 

Not only good friend I met, but my lecturers motivated me so much. They were not only giving lecture but also said about IT prospect. It raised my enthusiasm and as a result, boosts my study progress. In addition, there was also English and Mandarin lesson, and the lecturers are great person too. We learned in various method such as watching video, storytelling, and group task. It was very lively indeed. Because of them, I continue to learn English and Mandarin until now. 

Thanks to them, I never imagine I will meet them when I was High School.

Today, July 7, 2012

Finally I finished my study here in Ma Chung University. I’m happy to be a part of my friends’ life, my lecturers’ life, and also my university. I learn so many things here, and my world become much wider than before. I begin to love IT and its prospect, also I begin to have passion in some foreign languages. And I wanna say thank you for good friends and lecturers. I never think I will meet them when I was in high school. It’s not a coincidence, but I believe that’s part of God’s beautiful plan to make us meet each other.

It’s not only good moment but also hard moment I’ve passed. And this university changes me a lot to be a better people. Thanks God for giving me strength to pass this, for accompanying me when I’m sad, and for being happy when I’m happy. 

I will always remember that it's still the beginning to face real life, to fulfil my duty that is destined for me in real world. I feel there are so many areas in my life I haven’t developed yet. There are several areas that are not yet healed. Next step, I will go to Jakarta for work. I will continue to progress, to learn to be better. I will seek His purpose on me. 

Thank you Lord, thank you my family, thank you my friends and lecturers, thank you my university. I’m really happy to be part of you.

Do you have questions that you don’t understand in this life? 

Are you in condition you don’t understand, why do this happen to you?

I have so many questions I don’t understand yet. Why I don’t have nice beginning like others. Where I will go. What I will be in the future. And there are several questions I don’t understand yet.

Every people have its own questions too, and those could be different as time goes by. Those can be your past, those can be your present, those can be your future. Let’s take the simplest example. When we was in Senior High School, we will start questioning which university we will continue our education. After we graduate from university, we will start questioning what kind of job we will take. Who is our future husband/ wife. What kind of future we will have. There are also other types of questions, for example why we are betrayed by people that we believe so much. Why we go bankrupt. Why we must experience this failure. And still so many.

But we know as long as we have God in our life, there is assurance for our life. Remember that we are not God and He is God, so it is normal for us to have so many questions. Remember that He will never leave us. He will never forsake us, for He is faithful. Just go on with Him, believe in Him in our every way, and He will give us the right direction. By walking according to His direction, our questions would be answered one by one.

Do you believe, none of our questions left unanswered in the end? At that time we will realize that our book is finally perfect. God, who is author, will finish our life book. At that time we will completely understand that God’s plan is the best for our life. He loves us perfectly more than we can imagine!

One day, there was an old man walking in the beach, in the dawn. He saw a little boy picking some starfishes, and then throws them to the sea. The old man asked the boy why he did like that. The little boy said, if he let stranded starfishes in the beach, when the sun rises, the sunlight will burn and kill them. “But in this beach, as eyes can see, there are several millions of them,” the old man refuted, “Does your deed make difference?” The little boy looked the starfish that he hold inside his hand, and then threw it to the sea. “To that one I made a difference!” He said.

Be the light worker, we can’t be everything, but we can be something.

One day, there are four candles

Their light gradually become dim

So the room becomes dark

One of the candle, called ‘Peace’

Peace says,

“People can’t keep me

I am useless now”

So peace put out its own light

The second candle called “Faith”

Faith says,

“People can’t keep me

I am useless now”

So faith also put out its own light

The third candle called “Love”

Love says,

“People can’t keep me

They pick fight each other

Even they hate others who love them

I am useless now”

Love also put out its own light sadly

Suddenly a boy comes to the room

He says,

“Why is this room so dark??

I am afraid!”

He cries, beg the candle

To lit on their light again

Then the fourth candle called “Hope”

Touched by that boy’s sincerity

Hope says

“Don’t worry, boy

While I still have light

We can lit on the other candles.”

No matter how hard our burden is, don’t give up HOPE.

It has been four years since I accepted Jesus in my heart.

But in the moment, I feel like I am in the lowest point of my faith.

I often feel angry with God.

I feel, even if I turn out become bad people, He doesn’t care.

At this moment, even to obey the simplest word of Him, I couldn’t.

Sometimes I spend out my night with anger instead of praying.

Also, I often can’t bear temptation.

I don’t know how many times I pray

“God, I need community to grow up.”

“I can’t be alone.”

“I need someone more mature to guide me to You.”

“I can’t spend all my time in home without friends guide me to You.”

But until this moment, God remains silent.

Looks like He doesn’t care about me.

Now, I feel very very not decent to do His work.

I often say to Him

“I can’t keep any promise in You. I am weak, please choose others.”

“I really can’t do Your work. If I do it, while my life isn’t right in Your eyes, people won’t trust me.”

“I am afraid being a hypocrite.”

“Why do others have community to support while I am only alone?  Do You forget me?”

“Why was I born if I born to be lonely?”

I write this, not to blame God.

I only express my true feeling.

I just don’t want to be a hypocrite.

Today, one year ago.

I heard that news, first from my friend. I thought it was only common earthquake, because Japan is a country which often struck by earthquake. But when I went home and saw breaking news, I just realized that it was not an ordinary earthquake. It was one of the strongest earthquake and tsunami in the earth. A 9,0 magnitude earthquake, followed by tsunami struck Tohoku area, Japan. There were many casualties, 20000 people dead and thousands missing. Also, there were many survivors homeless.

The following day, Japan’s condition was getting worse. Radioactive material was leak from Fukushima reactor and Japanese people live in fear. Fukushima became ghost city, and the surrounding cities, including Tokyo, there was issue that the air was contaminated with radioactive.

I feel so sad that time. I did hope Japan could fully recover. But the things that make me glad, people from all over the world come together to help Japan. Yeah, Japan needs love and encouragement.
 

Time goes so fast, and now one year passed after the 3/11 earthquake. I feel so glad that Japan can be recovered so quickly like now. 

For Japanese people who read this blog, please never surrender! There is always hope when we help each other. I hope someday I can visit Japan too! God bless Japan! いつも頑張りましょうね！

When I walk, sight-seeing around

Many people around me

Sometimes, I feel inferior and ask God

“God, why do I was born with weaknesses??”

“I want to be others, I hate myself!”

“

Don’t you know My son,

Everything isn’t always look so beautiful as you think

Other people’s life…

You think that their life is always more beautiful than yours

But you don’t know they don’t have something good like I’ve given to you

You don’t know whether they struggle for something, just like you

And you don’t know what I will provide for your future

Don’t only judge and compare, because it will make your day bad

”

“

But God,

Look at that people!

They seem so perfect.

They have happy life, always smile without worry

I know them well…

”

“

My son, no one is born without weakness

Even when someone looks perfect

That’s because they grow up and struggle many times

Just like you

And the most important thing you must remember,

I will guide you forever

I will never forsake you

It’s not because of your strength, your life will be perfect

It’s because I love you, and I will make it perfect for you

Just believe in Me

Someday in the end you will smile and say

‘Thanks Lord, now my life is complete’

Don’t you believe My guidance?

“

“

Thanks Lord, I believe in You

Please never leave me alone

I’m nothing without You…

”

“Of course. I love you, my Son…”